A fond farewell to the food

A huge thank you to Ryan Russell for always taking the pictures!

by AARON APPLE AND AARON KAYSER

PHOTOS BY RYAN RUSSELL

By the time you are reading this, Apple is likely noshing some upscale boutique pastries on the streets of New York City like a cragel, scruffin or rainbow bagel (they are all real – look em up) and Kayser is likely mourning the loss of his best friend with a hunger strike. So as we wrap up this chapter as esteemed What’s Up! Magazine restaurant critics, we wanted to do something a little different and finally speak our real minds for once.* Enjoy!

The Best Sip in Bellingham: Onyx Coffee. While only open during limited hours every Saturday, they make some of the best pour over coffee in town and sell a curated selection of high-quality beans by the bag. Don’t come looking for something like a frappucino or even a latte – they literally only serve black coffee from amazing roasters around the world. Once you’ve learned to appreciate the bean, it’s all worth it.

Bellingham Food Scene’s Biggest Injustice: At the time of publishing, Olive Garden is listed as the 12th best restaurant on TripAdvisor.com with about 150 more reviews than Ciao Thyme (#2 on the list). Let this be a reminder to support the little guys making good food with passion and without a microwave.

Worst Restaurant if you have Coulrophobia: Homeskillet. For those brave enough to enter (and who weren’t scarred for life by Stephen King’s “It”) will be rewarded with one of the most complete and diverse clown collections this side of the Mississippi. Even if you do suffer an illogical fear of clowns, come to Homeskillet anyway because those mimosas are just so damn good you’ll forget the clowns.

Best Restaurant that You’ll Forget: The Horseshoe Cafe. And to clarify, we mean this in a good way. Image you’re out late one night, and you’re drunk. We mean, really drunk; triple-vision-with-tears-streaming-down-your-face drunk. But you’re just coherent enough to know that your body needs solid food. The Horseshoe Cafe will serve you an extraordinary meal (we suggest the chicken fried chicken breakfast). But, you won’t remember it. When you wake up four hours later for work and feel uncharacteristically fantastic, you’ll want to thank the meal that you already forgot. And that’s okay.

Best Restaurant with the Worst Name: övn. The pizza is incredible, but trying to explain to your friends the name of the place makes YOU seem pretentious. That being said, go there anyway and get some of the best pizza in town. Ask for truffle salt on the side, you won’t regret it.

Best Happy Hour: Vinostrology, or as well like to call it, black out wine bar (BOWB). Home of the cheapest bottle of wine ever (besides Trader Joe’s), and you take home whatever you don’t drink. BOWB. But, you’ll probably drink it all there like we did, hence the name BOWB. They also serve bacon popcorn. BOWB.

Best Color / Animal Restaurant: We love the Copper Hog because not only does its name combine a color and an animal, but they actually serve the animal they advertise, and plenty of it. Runners Up: Red Robin, The Black Cat and The Green Frog. However, none of them serve their namesake species!

Best Family Restaurant: Auntie Anne’s Pretzels. We don’t know if the whole family will like it or not, but we can’t help but wish our aunts could cook up some of the best damn pretzels in the entire country. Runner Up: Dad’s Diner.

Best Restaurant to get in the Mood: Rock ‘N Rye. You and your special someone are going to get hungry. Plenty of fresh oysters and champagne. For those not hungry, just go to Caps.

Most Needed Cuisine: Dim sum. Someone needs to listen to the Bellingham subredditers and open a Dim sum joint already. It wouldn’t hurt to open a Turkish restaurant either.

Good luck filling our shoes, future “Stuff Yr Face” writer(s). Hopefully you won’t review a bunch of places that shut down right away like we did! Rest in peace Star Club, Mozza, Poor Siamese, Dashi, Nok’s, La La Eatery, Cheese Meats Beer, AW Asian Bistro and Twofifty Flora. In all seriousness, we hope you’ve enjoyed the column over the last 5 years and that at least one of you discovered a new favorite local business to support. Until next time, cheers!

*Absolutely none of this is to be taken seriously. 

(Editor’s Note: Thanks for the last five years Aaron and Aaron. We’ve loved every month. Stuff Yr Face will continue, so stay tuned!)

Published in the May 2016 issue of What’s Up! Magazine